Several conversations held over the last week led me to this entry. Relationships, life, friends, work and life in general revolve around our evaluation of choices versus consequences yet we fail miserably at being honest with ourselves. Few know this horrible truth as well as I do but we sometimes cannot get past it. Why is it we can lay down our life for others but we do little to keep ourselves happy let alone make choices to make ourselves happy. It hit me when the call came and the voice on the other end was near complete and utter demise over a choice which to me was crystal clear. Without being the “I told you so” person I listened and allowed them to talk themselves into it. Very often we just need to “hear it come out of our own mouth” to truly grasp the reality of what lies ahead. Once the journey moved off the brink of oblivion to a “comfortable numbness of reality” the question I feared most was asked: “Why didn’t you tell me?” Five simple words that burn like fire and hit every nerve getting to my core. Being the usual friend I could lie and say something supportive to encourage them but I am neither the usual friend or able to give false hope when truth is needed. I took a breath, sat back and simply replied “how did we get here?” A long rant of a journey chosen began to build the wall which my friend ran into blindly. To many times we do things to save feelings, save face or emotions but why? Ok let’s start at the top: FEELINGS. Life is pain, life sucks ass at times and bad shit happens: GTFO it! We all deal with it. Simple question here: is it worth it to cry now over a failure than to wipe away years of regret? Sounds easy looking in but we cannot see that logic when feelings are involved. SAVING FACE is a joke in and of itself; who do you have to impress or seek acceptance from? Never forget the only one you answer to is the person in the mirror. For true friends need no impression or acceptance, they love us for all of our flaws. In this literary outline of an issue it is easy to draw concise conclusions devoid of all our self inflicted bundle of emotion. As I attempted to pass my limited knowledge on, even I grew sick of my “holyier than though” crap. In a single line I called myself out and relied on my true to the core value: can you live with it? Without allowing an answer I jumped into the reminder of how close the edge they were and how physically draining their situation had placed them in. We all have been there, will be there again and/or maybe even are there right now. A friends support, an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on sure makes it bearable though. So be that friend to offer or even ask for a friend to help. Stop running it only makes you tired, you know the answer: I support you!!!!
I guess Lee Ann Womack nailed it when she belted that song out. How many times have we been there? We say we are not going to fall for someone and then out of the blue, one little smile and its all out the window. Before we know what has happened we are picking ourselves up off the floor in pieces. More times that I would like to say, I have been hurt by caring too much. Even more times than that I have sworn that I would not care and I would be ok with this one. Yet I continue to get hurt and am a friend to many who do the same thing. Is it so bad? I would rather go through life with pain than to live with nothing. Pain reminds me I am alive and that I still care. It is a burden to bare a life lived without emotions. We are creatures of love and compassion. We live our lives trying to be a part of something and more of that time is spent trying to care. We gauge ourselves and others on how they care. We almost set ourselves up to cause and feel pain. Many even try to end thing...
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