Funny how life can trigger a memory by a mere smell, glance or song and today it did again. As I listened to Alabama sing “Feels so right” I was transported back to 4H Congress dance from my formidable years. Since I was able to walk my parents made me speak in public (and thank you for it) especially in 4H and FFA affiliated activities. Well little did I know how far or what a benefit that would be. As I spoke at the NC state level 4H competition for several years I began to make friends and have my little crew with me. We did it all together and were inseparable but being pre internet and Facebook we did little in talking over the year so we made up for it when we could. Being a teenager at a large competition of other teenagers was daunting but crazy rewarding. We had the run of NC State University in the summer and we demonstrated our zest for life in all we did. I vividly remember a girl name Helena from 4H camp. She was everything beautiful and different (thanks Keith Urban “Stupid Boy”) and I was smitten from the second I saw here. Being a poor dirt farmers child I could not compete with the rich yuppies and all they brought to the table but MAN I TRIED! And that led to one of my most memorable and valuable lessons of my life. At my last year of 4H Congress on the last night we had a dance at the McKinnon Center. Low and behold Helena was there. In my arrogance and impudence I vowed to muster every bit of courage and ask her to dance. Now life steps in, in a fire show that would rival our barrage of Shock and Awe on Baghdad my advances were unrequited to say the least. Well not missing a beat and not to show my crew my loss I laughed it off and we went on. My crew was a mix of all the misfits, uncool kids and outcasts yet there was one that really did not fit in. She was tall, pretty, smart and for some reason hung with us for years. In a futile attempt to show Helena I was better than her I ask our friend to dance to Alabama’s “Feel so right”. Well my dumb ass completely missed all the signals!!! The next day on the way home I had a full dose of reality as I reflected on the entirety and finality of my 4H life. Then the light went off and time stopped as the slide show of every second of our pretty friends interaction with me played in my head. WOW!!!! From that second forth I vowed to step back and see things as they are and never over look the small things. I can’t do things over but I hope I can live in the moment better! Take a second and look to see if you are missing something by not seeing it!!!!
NO FEAR my ass, I am scared to death! For me I find this statement concerning. I have spent a large portion of my life in the service of others. Be it as a soldier, a security professional or a pseudo parent protection has been my life for longer than I care to remember. During my rough and tumble life I have been on both side of the coin, I have done good things for/too bad people and bad things for/too good people with ramifications that left scars all over my life. During my career I have seen great people and had the pleasure to speak candidly about some of the work they did. Across the board from all I spoken to, they all point to the standard definition of hero “one who does the job even though fear is paramount”. It is amazing that most never consider themselves hero’s just people doing the job as needed. In that I see and feel the same driving force: fear (like pain) reminds me I am alive and guides me. Fear makes me think, rethink, prepare, pack, unpack and repack. I vividly r
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